Fic: Like I Bleed - H is for Honor

Letter H in Teagan’s world, from the War is Never Cheap Here universe. (Letter G is here.)  Links to Teagan’s letter “H”s from all three alphabets on AO3 are at the bottom. 

This is also another one of the letters where the word is the same for all three of Teagan’s alphabets (WAR, Blight, Romance).  Enjoy!

Also spoilers for WAR if you haven’t read it.

——

H is for Honor

Cauthrien,

Perhaps it is wrong of me to admit this, but I had considered not writing you back.  It was not because I was unhappy, because I am indeed thrilled by your news.  It was not because I was not eager to respond, because daily I curse the miles between us.  It was only a moment, albeit a small one, where it occurred to me that you might be more content were I not to interfere.

There are not words enough, nor indeed the ink to write them will, to express how happy I -was- am, to know what our month together has brought us.

Currently, I am in Redcliffe with Eamon and Isolde, trying to explain to them, what I cannot even explain to myself- that I want nothing more than to come to Denerim and see you with my own eyes.  To hopefully convince you, if you have not already made your own decision, that there is and will always be a place for you and for our child in Rainesfere.

I know that duty and honor keep you bound to the Queen and I -would- could not ask you to do any less than what your heart leads you to do.  I am writing in the hopes that this letter reaches you before I do, that you know my interest and intentions and that they can better inform the decisions you make.

When my visit here in Redcliffe is complete, I hope to ride for Denerim.  And though that means there are still weeks between us, I am eager to put them and the miles behind me.

With my deepest regards,
Teagan

—

He signed his letter when a brief hesitation, regards no matter how deeply he could state them in a letter, were not enough.  With his signature and then a seal added to the parchment he pushed away from the desk and made his way to find a messenger.  Barring trouble in Redcliffe or Rainesfere, he intended to arrive within a few days of the letter.  It was better than sending nothing at all, and by now, she had to be expecting some word from him.

Teagan could only hope this would suffice in his absence.

——

AO3 Links

WAR: Like I Bleed - H is for Honor

Blight: Like I Wait - H is for Honor

Romance: Like I Feel - H is for Honor

Fic: Like I Bleed - G is for Grave

Letter G in Teagan’s world, from the War is Never Cheap Here universe. (Letter F is here.)  Links to Teagan’s letter “G”s from all three alphabets on AO3 are at the bottom. 

Also spoilers for WAR if you haven’t read it.

——

G is for Grave

It was a simple thing: her name and the year, and hard, cold stone. 

Edlyn
9:30 Dragon

Teagan wondered if years from then, people would find the headstone of a young woman, dead in the year of the Dragon and assume she was another causualty of the war.  Or if Edlyn, who everyone said had lived with her head in the clouds; if perhaps she would like to be remembered that way.  A victim of the Blight: something large and courageous and not just the wayward dreams of a young girl.  After all, not many people could afford a headstone at all.  Just mounds of earth, and a prayer.

“The Light shall lead her safely through the paths of this world, and into the next.”

Maybe it wasn’t much, but it was something Teagan could do, a small provision for the family.  He visited them twice before he left, once to make sure all the arrangements had been taken care of, once to see the stone had been placed and to offer his own respects.  They had her braid tacked to one of the walls just inside their house, were quiet and reserved, and served him tea as though he were any other visitor.  The haunted look in their eyes had not left, but the edges were softer, they spoke- even if their words were quiet, reserved.  Teagan could not stand to stay with them for long, or to return after the stone had finally been placed.

Death, and the remembrances of the Blight were everywhere, no matter how much the cheer in his heart blocked out the worst of his memories.  In the courtyard at Eamon’s, his brother had commissioned a memorial, something to remember the men and women from Redcliffe that had lost their lives to the Blight and the protection of his family.  It was no small thing, but no amount of stone and prayer would replace what had been lost.  Families like Edlyn’s knew that just as well as any survivors of the Blight.

——

AO3 Links

WAR: Like I Bleed - G is for Grave

Blight: Like I Wait - G is for Gloaming

Romance: Like I Feel - G is for Gold

Fic: Like I Bleed - F is for Family

Letter F in Teagan’s world, from the War is Never Cheap Here universe. (Letter E is here.)  Links to Teagan’s letter “F”s from all three alphabets on AO3 are at the bottom. 

Apologies for how long it took me to get this update out (and for the quality thereof) I was sick and there was work and it’s been a mess.  New letters will not take me a month to write and publish.  Yeah.

——

F is for Family

There were few things in the world that Teagan counted as truly his. Almost everything he had came by virtue of his birth: the time, the place and the family he was born to. Even his freedom, for whatever it was, was owed in no small part to family; to a sister that was little more than a faded memory.

The things that he had, the things that were truly his- they were little more than thoughts, intangibles that could not be held or touched. For most of his adult life, he had been content with those things. And while in a time… in his life before Cauthrien, before the Blight, before he’d had to stand up for his land, for his people - he rarely needed to spare a thought for for the blessings that came to him from birth, in the time after, it was nearly all he could think of.

Eamon, over the years since Connor’s birth, had consistently tried to convince Teagan that there was something missing in his life. That without a family of his own his life was somehow incomplete, but Teagan never really believed it. Yet, a single month with Cauthrien had changed all that. Just the thought of it explained all Eamon’s words about blood, about family, the reason he’d fought so hard for Alistair to take Anora’s place, and why it was still dangerous for Alistair to come home. Teagan viewed it all in a different light with the knowledge that in the next year, he might have a family of his own.

He wanted to ask his brother if it had been like this for him too, to know that his child was on its way in to the world. But, the subject of Connor was still a sensitive one and the boy had only gone to Kinloch a handful of months ago. Reminding his brother that his only child was a mage and had nearly succumbed to the wiles of a demon was nothing he wanted to bring up at all before he made his way to Denerim, if ever again. He had no one else to ask, no one that he was likely to find and he wondered if Cauthrien felt the same way. The tone of her letter, was like she: reserved and discreet.

In their month together, they had not talked much of her family, though it had been clear from their investigation into Edlyn’s disappearance, that much of her life before Loghain was still there beneath her battle-hardened surface. The differences between their upbringings: hers one of fields and work and need, and his of protection and privilege, were vastly different. Had her life varied in some way, perhaps she wouldn’t be the woman that he loved and wanted, but that knowledge did not keep him from marvelling at the differences in their parentage. Would it be enough to bring a child home, to Rainesfere, to take Cauthrien away from Denerim? Would he be enough - with all that his own birth had granted him, and the place in the world he’d been born to?

There was no way to know for certain, and no one to ask but the Maker. And for once, Teagan wished that he was a little more dedicated to the Chantry so that at least the Sisters could give him some peace of mind.

——

AO3 Links

WAR: Like I Bleed - F is for Family

Blight: Like I Wait - F is for Father

Romance: Like I Feel - F is for Free Marches

Fic: Like I Bleed - E is for Eamon

serindrana:

Courtesy of one amazing Cherith!

Sometimes I see a love meme and Teagan demands some brain space.  (But when doesn’t he anymore?)  

Fic: Like I Bleed - D is for Dinner

Letter D in Teagan’s world, from the War is Never Cheap Here universe. (Letter C is here.)  Links to Teagan’s letter “D”s from the other two alphabets, are at the bottom.

——

D is for Dinner

The first meal he had with anyone that wasn’t Cauthrien after she was gone, was with his brother and his wife, on his way to Denerim.  Raud brought him food a few times, but it was never a meal they shared together, and for those few weeks, he wasn’t sure he was ready to see someone on the other side of his dining table that wasn’t his favorite knight with her hair down, and a glass of wine in her hand.

A meal with Eamon and Isolde, was dinner, at an elaborate table with a spread that would’ve fed far more than the three of them, and a place set at the far end of the table for a boy too far away to attend it.

“Teagan, Eamon tells me you’re going to Denerim, to see that… woman, that knight,” Isolde said, breaking the long silence as they sat and then filled their plates.  

He nodded as he finished chewing his first bite.  He rested his hands on the table, knowing that once Isolde had started her questioning, it was likely to be longer than the space between bites.  
 
“I am.”  He shot Eamon a glare, but his brother only gave a small shrug, one that clearly said, of course I told her.

“And that you have… intentions towards marriage?”

He tried not to smile, or laugh, though both threatened at his lips with Isolde’s heavy tone of disbelief.  Was it so difficult then for her to imagine him finding a woman he wanted to take as a wife?  He took a sip of his wine to keep from asking that specific question.  He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know the answer.

“Do you imagine that this woman will say yes?”

At that, he could do nothing but laugh, for he had no earthly idea if Cauthrien was going to take him seriously.  Especially not a pregnant Cauthrien, who had so clearly indicated that her duty lay in Denerim, with Anora.  He spared, but nearly, his dinner from a spray of wine, with his laugh and then was caught in a long bought of coughing.  While he coughed, Eamon and his wife shared an amused glance and he heard his brother’s own faint chuckles between breaths.  

“Teagan? Are you alright?”  Isolde looked as though she might stand and then only waved her hand at a servant in the far corner of the room.  The elven man filled a mug with water and handed it to Teagan, and waited, hovering at his side until he drank it and stopped coughing.

“Yes, I think I’ll be alright,” he said once his breath returned.  When Isolde said nothing, but stared at him with an arched brow he added, “No.  No, Isolde, I have no idea if she’ll agree.  But, I still plan to ask.”

——

AO3 Links

WAR: Like I Bleed - D is for Dinner

Blight: Like I Wait - D is for Darkness

Romance: Like I Feel - D is for Desire